My Story--Happy Birthday!

Andy and I both woke up bright and early to shower and get ready for the big day.  As Andy drove me to the hospital, I thought about what my mom had said, and just felt so relieved...I had done it.  I made it through 9 months with her and I kept her alive and healthy.  As we were driving, I realized that the sun was just rising.  It was the dawn of a new day, the dawn of my daughter's birthday, and the dawn of a new phase in my life.  This was the last dawn I would wake up anxious to feel a kick.  It was a beautiful sunrise with shades of pinks and oranges, and one that I won't ever forget.  We checked in, were taken back to a labor and delivery room, and I changed into a gown and was immediately hooked up to a fetal monitor.  I could hear her heart beats, and with that stress gone, I was enjoying seeing how strong my contractions were.  They were coming every few minutes, but they were still just Braxton Hicks, but they were three times stronger than they had been just a few days earlier.  Soon a nurse came in, set up my IV and drew blood (just 3 vials this time).  Then all that was left was watching the clock and waiting.  Andy took a nap.  My mom came around 7:30, and then soon after, it was time to go.  When the anesthesiologist came in the room, she recognized my face, and I remembered her as one of my students from years ago.  One of the nurses in the room told her that I was a math professor, and then she put two and two together, and asked me my maiden name.  When I told her, she immediately said, "I had you twice!"  My husband then got worried--twice because I flunked her, and she'd be sticking a needle in my spine!?!  But actually, that wasn't the case.  She was a good student and just breezed through two different courses of mine.  It was nice to see a happy, familiar face.  And she is one of those people who just lights up a room because of her positive personality and smile.  I was so glad she was with me throughout everything.  Whenever anyone asked me how I wanted Annalie's birthday to go, my answer throughout the whole pregnancy was that I just wanted it to be the "happiest day ever," and her being there helped to make that wish come true.

The last person to come in the room before the operation was my OB.  He asked if I had any questions, but I didn't.  This was my third time with the same surgery.  You could tell he was excited for us and invested in getting a healthy baby and a happy outcome this time.  And right before he left, I remember telling him, "I made it this far...now it's up to you."  He smiled and nodded.

At 8:00, they wheeled me into the operating room, watched me shiver uncontrollably (It was freezing in there!), gave me the spinal, and tried to warm me up while they prepped me for the surgery.  My mom and Andy came in, then my OB, and once everyone was situated, they started.  My OB took his time and was very careful at each step along the way.  It probably took at least 20 minutes to cut through each layer of tissue.  Even the nurses and anesthesiologist were telling me while I was on the table that it's harder to make the incision with scar tissue, so that was why it was taking longer.  I don't know if that is true or if he was just being extra careful, but it did take a while.  And then I was warned that there would be some pressure that would make me feel nauseous and then she would be out.  And sure enough, in just a few seconds, I heard the OB welcome Annalie into the world, and then I heard her cry.  It was the best sound in the world!  I know that every mother thinks that first cry is the best sound, but there was so much riding on this.  All the fear, all the anxiety, all the worry just lifted away in that moment and what was left was pure joy.  She was here.  Finally.  And I felt at peace.  Just a moment later, they brought her around the curtain so I could see her.  And she was perfect.  

They quickly whisked her away to do all their tests--weighing, measuring, etc., and when they announced 7 pounds 10 ounces, I was shocked.  My OB had predicted her to weigh just under 7 pounds.  But once she was cleaned off, they brought her close to me so I could see her better, but it's hard when you are laying flat on your back to see her face.  It took my OB nearly an hour to meticulously sew me back up.  He did everything he could to make sure my scar looked nice and didn't keloid this time.  Once that hour was up and I was wheeled back to the ante-partum room, I finally got to hold her and to look at her.  She looked just like my husband.  And holding her in my arms was so nice.  I had been very patient in the OR watching everyone else get to hold her, cuddle her, kiss her, and finally it was my turn.  I can't even describe how wonderful it was.  Last time, I had that sense of semi-relief when I picked up Miri's ashes and I could at least hold her in a box.  But this time, I had my baby in my arms, and she was alive and healthy, and I was so in love with her.  And it felt like I was finally able to breathe for the first time in 9 months.

I surprised myself at how much I was able to keep my emotions in check in the OR.  I had been through the scene in my mind so much, that I worked through all of it ahead of time (as seems to be my pattern), and I was able to be present in the moment and just enjoy the experience.  With Whitney, I was so drugged and exhausted from labor, that I have almost no memories of her birth, other than I remember telling myself "keep you eyes open...don't fall asleep."  And with Miri, I do remember the surgery, but there was not the happy outcome.  This time, it couldn't have gone any better.  I was awake, alert, and I remember her birth, and the best part was that the OR was filled with joy.  

My mom, on the other hand, was very emotional about her birth.  She teared up, the way I feared I would, and even though she was covered with a mask, I could see it in her eyes just how relieved and happy and excited she was.  She took a video for me, and so I can always go back and play it and hear that first cry, and on the video was her reaction...And it was priceless...All the things I had been thinking and feeling, she expressed, and it was lovely to hear.

In the ante-partum room, my dad, Whitney, and my grandmother came in.  Whitney's first reaction to seeing her sister was adorable.  She said, "Her face is so cute."  And with that, I think she fell in love too.  The nurses checked her vitals again, warmed her up, cleaned her off, gave us some skin-to-skin time, then they suggested that I try to feed her.  Since I couldn't nurse, they brought in a bottle, and Whitney asked if she could feed the baby.  As much as I wanted that "first", I let her do it, and it was so neat seeing her interact with her sister.  In that moment, I learned that no matter how much I wanted to do things, it's just as nice to let Whitney do it, because then I could watch those "first" moments through two sets of eyes--the mommy whose child is doing something new, but also the proud parent of an older sibling delighting in her baby.

With as much happiness and excitement as I was feeling, there was still some concern for Gabby, who was just undergoing her operation as well.  She was never far from my mind, and as the nurses were checking Annalie's vitals in the ante-partum room, I specifically asked them to do a pulse ox test.  Gabby's heart condition should have been detected at birth, if her hospital did that as a standard procedure.  But since it didn't, she went 4 months before it was discovered.  The nurses gladly did it for me, and told me that they'd be doing it again when the pediatrician came, but her level was 100%.  Phew!  Not that I was worried about her having a heart condition, but it was just one more thing that was going right.  Later that afternoon, I got word that Gabby made it through with flying colors, and that meant July 5th was a wonderfully happy day all around.  Both Joy and I will look back on this day remembering it started with nerves and anxiety, but that it ended with a smile on our faces.

After a couple hours in the ante-partum room, I was wheeled to my regular room and I settled in.  That first day, my cousin and her son came to visit, as did the cantor from our temple (also our neighbor).  When he came, we handed him the baby, and his eyes were flooded with tears.  He was so happy for us, that he couldn't contain himself.  And as the days in the hospital passed, we were met with that same reaction from half of our friends and family.  They couldn't help but cry tears of joy and that made the feeling in the room one of pure bliss.  And that was all I really wanted...just to have the happiest experience ever.

On Saturday morning, I was unhooked from all the machines, allowed to eat, and was feeling a whole lot better.  I posted on Facebook my room number and that I was happy to have visitors.  And that day we were flooded with friends and family.  My mom and Whitney had also planned a mini birthday party for Annalie that day.  She got a cake that said "Happy 1/365th birthday!" Whitney wanted lots of decorations, so there were balloons, party hats and necklaces, a Happy Birthday banner, princess paper plates and napkins, etc.  And, while we planned on a small gathering--just my mom, dad, Andy, Whitney, Annalie, and me--we had so many visitors, that her little party turned into a real celebration.  Both of Annalie's great grandmothers showed up.  Some of our friends were there, two of my colleagues came.  All in all, there were 12 people in my room right at her party time plus one FaceTime phonecall.  It turned out to be a wonderful party, full of happiness, laughter, and even complete with lots of baby gifts.  I couldn't stop smiling.  It was just what I had wanted to happen.  I reveled in how happy I was and how happy everyone else was too.  It couldn't have been more perfect.  I left all her decorations up for the rest of my stay just as a constant reminder of  how wonderful it was.  That impromptu party was my favorite memory from the hospital stay.

The next few days were filled with more visitors, and some down time.  Annalie was such a sleepy baby, and I didn't know what to do with her.  Whitney was so alert and fussy right from the start, that I spent most of my time trying to play with her, nurse her, and soothe her.  I didn't really have to do any of that this time.  So I just had fun with her.  I dressed her up.  I took some cute pictures.  I did an art project with her footprints and gave it as a gift to my mom and my OB.  And I did a lot of cuddling.  She was such an easy baby--easy to feed, easy to soothe--I couldn't believe how wonderful she was.  And, what surprised me the most was how calm she was after being so active inside of me.