Thoughts On Raising Another Daughter

I had an interesting "ah-ha" moment the other day as I was driving home from work.  One of my colleagues who also experienced a stillbirth 30 years ago and has since had 4 children of her own (2 adopted and 2 biological) sent me an email, wondering how I was coping and giving me some advice about how even though I may wonder how I will be able to love a second child as much as the first, it'll happen automatically and that I shouldn't worry.  This is not necessarily something I had been worrying over, but it got me thinking about Annalie and how I felt about her.  For a while now, I've been daydreaming about what she'll be like, and I've been hoping that she'd have certain qualities.  I hoped she'd be as smart as Whitney, as good a baby as Whitney was, as pretty as Whitney is, as caring as Whitney, as funny as Whitney, and so on.  Then it just hit me...I was hoping for a clone of Whitney.  And that's not what I want.  I already have a Whitney, and she's wonderful, but I don't need another.  What I really hope is that Annalie is her own unique person, with her own good qualities.  I hope she's the best Annalie she can be, and that she's not ever trying to be just like her big sister.  I hope she's got the self-confidence to be happy being herself.  And those are the things I should be hoping for.  I needed to shift my thinking.  Raising Whitney has been a wonderful adventure, and while I am bound to relive a lot of those same experiences with Annalie, I need to also look forward to all the new things she'll be bringing, all the things I can't even foresee right now.  She's going to be different, and I can't wait to see what joys she'll bring, what special qualities I will love about her, and what new adventures are awaiting us.  As her mother, I've got to give her the freedom to let her be herself, and not impose any preconceived notions on her about what she should be doing (based on what Whitney was like at that same age).  I know each person has their own strengths and weaknesses, and just as I embrace Whitney's strengths and we work on the weaker areas, I'll do the same with Annalie, although they'll most definitely be different than what I have previously experienced.  Things that work well with Whitney may not with Annalie, and I can't get frustrated by those.  By embracing her differences, I'll be enriching all of our lives.  This idea is something I have to remember and hold on to for years to come.

I also realize that there's going to be a new learning curve, and just as a new mom is inexperienced and needs to figure out how to raise her baby, I'll have a new learning curve and have to figure different things out.  Like this time, I may not need to be taught about what items are truly needed in a diaper bag, but instead, I'll probably need to learn how to divide my attention and handle disputes between siblings.  Annalie is going to bring so many new things to my life...I can't wait to meet her and see what she's going to be like.