My Story--The Ups and Downs of Trying Again

I just left for a 2 week trip to Hawaii to visit my aunt and destress from a tough year.  And, fingers crossed, timing couldn't be better.  We're due to arrive back on July 10th (6 month anniversary), and that is when our waiting time is up.  We'll be able to start trying to have another baby, and I believe this month's timing couldn't be more perfect...I am so excited and so hopeful that things will happen this month or the next.  If they do, I'll have a built-in maternity leave with summer vacation and I won't lose any of my salary.  I feel like I can be in charge of my own destiny now, and I'm looking to the future with such hopeful eyes.

It's October.  We've been trying for 3 months with no success, and not due to a lack of timing.  I'm starting to feel sad and frustrated.  Each month, I've been so optimistic, thinking "This is going to be the month!", but with each month comes a little more disappointment, and it's getting harder and harder to take.  I'm still thinking about probability, though...odds are, one of these months, it's going to work out for us.  But, I'm starting to wonder if there were unknown complications from the c-section.  I'm headed to my OB for a visit in 3 weeks, and I am really looking forward to seeing what he has to say.  I've wondered for the past 9 months if there was something not quite right with the c-section--it hurt much worse than the first time.  Maybe there will be some tests he can do to see if I have scar tissue or something that is preventing a pregnancy.  My mom keeps telling me that I'll get the child I was meant to have.  I hope she's right.  Waiting for him/her is tough!